


Gloria

by MidoriKurenaiYume



Category: Fate/Zero, Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Cemetery, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Reflection, Regret, Self-Reflection, Sorrow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-19
Updated: 2018-03-19
Packaged: 2019-03-31 17:27:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13979973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidoriKurenaiYume/pseuds/MidoriKurenaiYume
Summary: A few years after his death, Arturia finally brings herself to visit Gilgamesh's grave.





	Gloria

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this several months ago, at the specific request of a friend; it's a little OOC, and it's not a happy one-shot.
> 
> Title: from an emotional Kalafina song, B-side of their 4th single. The traslation of the lyrics was done by the canta-per-me forum :)

…

…

..

..

_~Soon I will be by my beloved~_

..

..

The weather was unusually fine for being an afternoon in late October, and Arturia slowly sat down in front of the tombstone, her eyes completely focused on it.

“It’s already been four years, Gilgamesh.” She was forced to pause briefly. “I would have brought flowers, if I didn’t know that you would only scoff at me for it.”

She knew that he would have smirked at the irony of it, and she sighed. “I still can’t believe that time passed so quickly. Especially since I was alone, and while I never minded being alone, this time I truly felt lonely.”

..

..

_~The long journey came to an end~_

..

..

She looked up at the sky, her eyes lost in the distance, expression pensive.

“You often said we were going to get married, and you always said it rather casually, as if it was obvious and inevitable.” She kept staring at the deep blue above her. “But then that stupid accident took you away. An accident, of all things.”

Her eyes lowered. “The parachute wouldn’t open, and you died. You would have labelled it an undignified death, unworthy of you, and I cannot blame you.”

..

..

_~In the middle of quiet tranquillity~_

..

..

“We never truly touched,” she continued after another brief pause. “We never even kissed. Now that I think about it, I didn’t even take your hand, ever. You touched my cheek a few times, that’s true,” she recalled it with a slight tremor in her voice, “but otherwise, we never touched.”

..

..

_~I grieved alone~_

..

..

She smiled, a sad, heart-breaking smile.

“Yet don’t you dare think, not for _one second_ , that only because we didn’t touch, I didn’t feel anything for you. Physical contact isn’t that important when it comes to honest feelings. I fell in love with you without touching you, after all.”

..

..

_~The whole world has nothing~_

..

..

“Your death _hurt_ , Gilgamesh.” Her voice almost cracked, but she held herself together. “Because I loved you. I _still_ love you, even though there is now nothing left aside from your name engraved here.”

Her hand reached forward, touching the cold stone.

“We didn’t have the time to experience anything of what we had planned to. Well, in fact,” she amended, “it was _you_ who had planned it all. It took me much longer to fall for you. But after a while,” she took a deep breath, “I got to know you, and I truly came to respect you… and later love you.”

..

..

_~Let’s go together~_

..

..

“I don’t think I can truly move on, you know. I have tried. I am indeed living my life. You always said that all the few earthly pleasures exist to be enjoyed… I am not you, and I do not agree with such a point of view,” she smiled wanly, “but for you, I can indeed do my best to _live_ my life, even if I can’t move on completely.” Her smile faltered. “I still miss you.”

Her eyes were full of pain, but she made an effort not to let them look away from his tombstone. “I never had anything more than your touch on my cheek, but I still remember that feeling. I still miss it. I still miss _you_.”

..

..

_~You played sorrow and joy~_

..

..

She took a deep breath. “I remember your irritating smirks, but also the strange light that was in your eyes the times you looked at me when you thought I wasn’t watching, that light that took me far too long to realize was full of affection and regard, or in other words, what you kept telling me… _love_.”

Her features contracted.

“I really love you too, and I miss you.” Her voice cracked. “I miss you _so much_.”

..

..

_~Now I can love you~_

..

..

“The last day we were together,” she began again, thinking of those precious few moments she had spent with him, before he had left for the usual lesson – with the few daring people he had grudgingly accepted as students – and later she had been told about his death, “you talked again of wanting to marry me. I told you that, first and foremost, you had to _ask_ , if you wanted anything like that to ever happen.”

Her fingers trembled slightly. “I remember you looking at me oddly; you were struggling with yourself, I know, but then you opened your mouth… yet before you could say anything, you were called away.”

No tears flew down her cheeks, but her eyes glistened. “And you never came back.”

..

..

_~You made my heart~_

..

..

“I know that you were going to ask me,” she smiled again. “If you had… I would have said yes, you know. I would have accepted to marry you.” True anguish broke through her calm façade. “But we didn’t have the time.”

She took a deep breath, again.

“I promised myself that I wouldn’t cry when visiting you,” she went on. “I’m going to keep that promise.”

An empty smile appeared on her lips, and she silently stared at the tombstone for a while.

“I really wish we had had more time, Gilgamesh,” she whispered, and her voice finally broke.

..

..

_~For love and hope~_

..

..

“I probably won’t come anymore.” She looked at his name sadly, her eyes full of pain. “Not just because it hurts too much, but also because I would keep getting lost in thoughts of what could have been.” She took a shuddering breath. “You always made it clear that it was foolish of me to try to live in the past, and you were right.”

Slowly, she stood up.

“I will do my best, Gilgamesh. I won’t live in the past. But that doesn’t mean I will ever forget you.”

She leaned forward, touching the stone one last time, before finally turning away and walking down the steps that guided her out of the graveyard.

..

..

_~For tears and sacrifices~_

..

..

Arturia took one last deep breath, and looked back, over her shoulder, at the tombstone now far away from her, and felt her heart constrict in her chest once again.

“You will never be able to stop me from remembering you, Gilgamesh.”

A last, lengthy pause, before her eyes flashed and a small smile curved her lips. “You will never be able to stop me from remembering that I love you.”

..

..

_~Let’s experience the beginning of radiant nights and noons~_

..

..

…

…


End file.
